Bean Party executive ticket prevails in historic upset

The UC Broccoli Election Commission (UCBEC) announced Friday that third year human Allie Gordon and bundle of long beans Nigel Zhang have secured the positions of ASUC President and Vice President in this week’s election. These elections defy the predictions of many who expected yet another sweep by the Purophyll Party.

The Purophyll Party was dealt another blow in the senate, where they lost a seat and their absolute majority. Without further ado, your senators for the upcoming academic year are:

  1. Francesca DiSantos (Bean Party)
  2. Joe Fajnor (Bean Party)
  3. Austin Jackson (Purophyll Party)
  4. Randall Haverford (Purophyll Party)
  5. Cornelia Castellano (Purophyll Party)
  6. Alice Ma (Harmony Party)
  7. Marisa Ahmed (Harmony Party)

Though today’s greatest victory surely belongs to the Bean Party for humans and other beans, members of the Harmony Party are also celebrating increased representation in the legislature. “It just goes to show that people are ready to hear what we have to say,” said Harmony Party presidential candidate Carla Naranjo in an interview, “I’m immensely proud of our girls and know they will kill it in the senate.”

Heads and leaves are being scratched across campus as the student body attempts to make sense of the election results. A prominent Purophyll party member had this to say about the unexpected turn of events: “This is all about that stupid fake photo of Chad with that human girl. This election is a sham. I can’t believe there are three humans in the senate when they make up less than a quarter of the student body. This is textbook pandering.”

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